Navigating Self Discovery

I saw a funny picture online this morning titled "What your coffee preparation method says about you". It made me think about how often I see or hear something similar (see photo below) and will proceed to ascribe my identity to something so innocuous. I don't mean to, it's embarrassing to even admit that I do, sometimes it just happens. I take it way too personally more often than I care to admit.

It was a subtle reminder that sometimes I find myself doing things or saying things that I don't always align with in order to manifest either the person I want to be or, also more often than I care to admit, trying to avoid conflict. I know we all have our own individual reality that we live in based on who we surround ourselves with, what media we let in, and a life of varying experiences, so its expected that we will all see the world in different ways. Not as differently as the media wants us to, but differently nonetheless.

As much of a stretch as it might sound, for me this all circles back to an ongoing identity crisis. One critical realization that I had somewhere in the last year is that I grew up in a family where ultimately I had no voice. It made some things really easy because I didn't have to think for myself. I was told where to be and when and I just did that. No questions asked. I can tell you firsthand, although it seemed easy at the time, the long term consequences of this are trouble. Those that you always said yes to will not accept no for an answer from you.

I am desperately trying to forge a path and come to terms with am identity that is mine alone and aligns with my values. I want my kids to have their own voice and know that its OK to hurt someones feelings if they are crossing boundaries. It is OK to push back when you don't agree with someone and stand by what you believe. There will be conflict, there will be heartbreak, and it certainly won't be the easy path, but your soul will thank you for it.

I constantly come back to the song "Age of Worry" by John Mayer. Every word of it rings true to me.

I too often scold myself for not having more self awareness earlier in life but that is futile. All I can do is be better moving forward. Own my past mistakes but also recognize that I don't have to go try and fix all of them. "Dream your dreams but don't pretend, Be friends with what you are".